With palms together,
As most of you know I spent three days in Mountain View hospital with extreme pain in my back, hip, and left leg. I am not allowed to have an MRI due to the fact that I have some metal in my head as a result of being shot in Vietnam. This meant that I needed a myelogram. This is a procedure where the physician injects radioactive dye directly into the spine so a CT image reveals more detail. I will tell you this was extremely painful, but the result was a diagnosis of spinal stenosis. I have two buldging disks at L4 and L5 which causes extreme pain, numbness and loss of movement in the left leg and hip.
Monday will bring a call from my doctor who is setting up an appointment with a pain specialist who will likely inject a steroid into my spine to relieve the inflammation and allow things to heal.
What all of this means is that I am facing some life altering issues. I will not be able to do the running and walking I have enjoyed in the past. I will likely not be able to lift weights as I wanted to. As it is right now I cannot stand or walk for more than a few miuntes without being forced by the pain to sit down.
Soku Shin has had to take care of me and I am not easy to take care of. I feel quite helpless and I am not at all comfortable with that.
During this sequence of events, though, I practiced Zazen sitting in bed, studied, and learned what I could about what was happening to my body. Patients are not helpless. We have an obligation to look deeply, partner with physicians, and find ways to deal with what is confronting us. I will admit to being somewhat depressed by this and not a little angry. Being in touch with our feelings is what Zazen is all about. Life is what it is, moment to moment. We should live it as deeply and completely as possible.
As I can, I will continue to practice with those who come to the residence on practice days. I will continue to offer dokusan as scheduled. If you wish to see me privately, please do so through Rev. Soku Shin at jiisha2abbot@gmail.com.
I hope to see our Study group on Thursday at 6:00 PM.
Be well.
As most of you know I spent three days in Mountain View hospital with extreme pain in my back, hip, and left leg. I am not allowed to have an MRI due to the fact that I have some metal in my head as a result of being shot in Vietnam. This meant that I needed a myelogram. This is a procedure where the physician injects radioactive dye directly into the spine so a CT image reveals more detail. I will tell you this was extremely painful, but the result was a diagnosis of spinal stenosis. I have two buldging disks at L4 and L5 which causes extreme pain, numbness and loss of movement in the left leg and hip.
Monday will bring a call from my doctor who is setting up an appointment with a pain specialist who will likely inject a steroid into my spine to relieve the inflammation and allow things to heal.
What all of this means is that I am facing some life altering issues. I will not be able to do the running and walking I have enjoyed in the past. I will likely not be able to lift weights as I wanted to. As it is right now I cannot stand or walk for more than a few miuntes without being forced by the pain to sit down.
Soku Shin has had to take care of me and I am not easy to take care of. I feel quite helpless and I am not at all comfortable with that.
During this sequence of events, though, I practiced Zazen sitting in bed, studied, and learned what I could about what was happening to my body. Patients are not helpless. We have an obligation to look deeply, partner with physicians, and find ways to deal with what is confronting us. I will admit to being somewhat depressed by this and not a little angry. Being in touch with our feelings is what Zazen is all about. Life is what it is, moment to moment. We should live it as deeply and completely as possible.
As I can, I will continue to practice with those who come to the residence on practice days. I will continue to offer dokusan as scheduled. If you wish to see me privately, please do so through Rev. Soku Shin at jiisha2abbot@gmail.com.
I hope to see our Study group on Thursday at 6:00 PM.
Be well.
1 comment:
HH: Wishing you the best.
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