Good Morning Everyone,
Sometimes life seems to be like a knot on a rope that lashes us from time to time. My knot has three twists this morning. My mother fell off her bed and fractured her pelvis; my son in Florida was just diagnosed with super ventricular tachycardia and has to have a heart catheterization procedure; my car parts seem lost in transport somewhere. On top of this no renter yet for the vacant condo and two mortgages are a serious challenge to our fixed income.
"No worries", as my other son, the chef says, though not about this specific set of knots.
Here's the thing. My mother is in a hospital with a rehab center nearby; my son has great care and this procedure will likely cure the tachycardia that has plagued him under the guise of panic attacks for years, and my parts will eventually arrive. I set up a contract with a property manager yesterday afternoon to make sure the condo is rented, and we are safe where we are, able at least to pay our bills.
My Little Honey is considering a flight to Florida to be with Jason. This will help her deal with her anxieties. I will take care of the condos, maintain my practice, and continue to work on my writing.
Life offers us a variety of challenges. It is our job to untie the knots and release the tensions. Taking in the pain of others, offering our own peace and love is a difficult practice. First, it is an assault on our sense of self, second, those being offered may not appreciate the offer, and third, we ourselves may require a respite in order to heal our own wounds.
I suggest that we understand all of this as practice. We may not get it right. It isn't a formula and there will be glitches along the way. We should live for the glitches, however, as they are our true teachers.
Yesterday I tried to offer My Little Honey some words of comfort. I asked her to try to see the good stuff that was happening. I noticed I was on edge with her. I have trouble being in her presence when she suffers. My comfort was not acceptable. Judy is an action person. And sometimes nothing can really be done. So we talked about it all. We made some tentative plans and the day slipped into night.
My lessons: I must practice my ability to be present when someone I love is emotionally distraught. I must accept that my ability to care and affect the situation has natural limits. And I must maintain a positive attitude through the process and not give way to automatic thoughts and the consequent feelings.
These are my teachers.
Be well..
Rev. Dr. So Daiho Hilbert-roshi
http://www.clearmindzen.org/
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